REASON #1: The Weather is Terrible
It’s always so sunny and breezy. Booooring. I mean, could we get a blizzard or something once in a while? Hail? Anything besides a steady 75 degrees??
REASON #2: It Has Way Too Much Character
Everyone knows a good city should be bland, characterless and full of big box stores. I keep walking around Main Street looking for the Wal-Mart but all I can find are boutiques and artisan shops!
I had to walk through a bookcase to get into a bar. What happened to good old fashioned doors?
REASON #3: It’s Entirely Too Fertile Here
Who actually wants to pick an avocado straight off a tree? I prefer the convenience of buying mine at a grocery store. They taste better after being shipped a couple thousand miles, amiright?
REASON #4: There’s Nothing to Do
What is there to do after you’ve laid on the beach, taken a boat out, explored the Channel Islands, paddle boarded in the bay, walked around the harbor, watched fireworks on the shoreline, picked strawberries at a farm, visited the wineries and explored the cool bar behind the bookcase? Doesn’t anyone have a looming deadline around here? No one is rushing from place to place and there isn’t even any traffic to sit in!
I’m dying of boredom here.
REASON #5: There Aren’t Enough Bugs
Don’t you sometimes just crave a good mosquito bite?